The holidays can be very stressful for autism families. But thankfully, there are many things we can do to create an autism friendly Christmas.
I’ll share 15 ways you can reduce the stress for both your kids on the spectrum and for you, the parent, as well.
Christmas & Special Diets
With all those tempting and sugary treats around, the holidays also offer many chances for dietary infractions. This can cause quite an issue if your family is following a special diet for food allergies/sensitivities.
In this post, I’ll also include ideas and strategies that can help make sure your child/family stays on diet. Click Here To Jump To Diet Section
An Autism Friendly Christmas Starts With You
Kids with autism are like antennas. They are very good at picking up on whatever frequency you’re projecting.
If you’re frustrated or stressed, they’re much more likely to feel that way too. Make sure you’re doing everything you can to stay positive, happy, and upbeat. They’ll pick up on that and it will help them have a better day too.
Plus, if they have anxiety, sensory overload, or any problem behaviors, you’ll be better able to help them work through it if you’re in a good head space.
Have Yourself An Autism Friendly Christmas
Holiday Survival Tip For Autism Parents #1
Prepare Yourself
I don’t mean be prepared with gifts, snacks, and whatnot. I mean prepare your mind and body. As I mentioned, an autism friendly Christmas starts with you, so make sure you take care of yourself in the days leading up to the big day.
Do Not Take This Tip Lightly!
Too many parents focus all the energy on their children, but we all know we can’t pour from an empty cup. Take time for you and your family will thank you for it.
Make sure you get enough sleep the night before!
Don’t stay up wrapping presents or making dishes for Christmas day. Try and carve out time in your schedule to get those things done early.
Sleep is critical for being able to maintain a positive mindset and handle any stress that comes your way on Christmas day. Unfortunately, kids with autism are often terrible sleepers. This is where teamwork comes into play.
For Kids Who Don’t Sleep Well
If your child is not a good sleeper, then whoever is going to be “in charge” of the kids should be the one that sleeps. I know Mom & Dad both share the load when it comes to watching after the kids, but let’s be honest, one parent is usually more on top of things than the other. (usually not always of course)
Creating An Autism Friendly Christmas Requires Both Mom & Dad To Be Tag Team Partners. (especially when sleep is in short supply)
This is typically the Mom for most families, so Dads make sure the misses gets some sleep. Help her cross things off her Christmas to do list, so she can get to bed early.
Don’t wait for her to ask for help either. Ladies are very good at being Super Mom. They want to make sure everything looks perfect and is done “right”. Take it from me, that mindset can be exhausting, so jump in and convince her to let you help. (and Moms relax a bit and let us help)
Strategies To Help Your Child Sleep Better
- Avoid Sugary Foods And Artificial Ingredients
- Use Small Does Of Melatonin (maybe 1-3mg)*
- Turn Off WiFi Overnight
- Avoid Screens At Least 2 Hours Before Bedtime
- Lavender Essential Oil on chest, feet, or diffused
*Melatonin is the body’s sleep hormone. The only side effect I’ve heard from small doses is lucid dreaming. (which doesn’t happen for too many kids) Of course, not medical advice. Always check with your doctor
Set Aside A Few Minutes Of Quiet Time
Personally, I get a lot from daily meditation. Conversely to what I just said about sleep, I actually wake up early to ensure I have this time.
Christmas morning makes this a little more difficult, but you can do this after the kids open their presents.
This way you can be in a positive frame of mind when it’s time to go to your extended family gathering.
If the idea of meditating intimidates you or makes you roll your eyes, don’t think of it as meditation. Just think of it as quiet time.
Set aside 5-10 minutes for you just to sit or lay down and try not to think of anything. You can listen to peaceful music (headphones help block out the noise of a busy house) or just sit and think about things that make you smile.
You’ll be amazed how much better you feel after just a few minutes of this.
Holiday Survival Tip For Autism Parents #2
Be Breezy
Christmas morning can be a trainwreck. It can be overwhelming for kids on the spectrum. The heightened excitement can actually cause some kids to have an anxiety attack because they cannot process those emotions well.
Try and keep it low key if you can.
Talk to their siblings about trying to avoid being too loud. You can say something like,
“I want you to be happy and I love to see you excited. But, let’s try not to be too loud so Johnny (or whatever your child’s name is) can enjoy his presents too.”
You may even consider not wrapping your ASD kid’s gifts at all. This can help reduce the unpredictability of opening gifts.
Take Their Lead
Let the child decide when and where he wants to be on Christmas morning.
Don’t push the kids to open their gifts or even stay with the family. I know we all want everyone to be together as a family, but we may be placing too much on them.
Allowing them to sit in another room or across the room, might be a good way to help them self regulate. Just follow their lead as much as you can.
Let Go
Allow yourself to forget or at least not care about all the mundane details.
Remember, what I said about letting your spouse help you. Even if they’re terrible at wrapping presents, let them get that off your to do list. Everyone will know who wrapped it anyway, right 😉
Don’t get stressed about time. If you’re a little late to Grandma’s, you’re a little late.
When you go to the Christmas party, don’t get hung up on making sure you say hello to everyone, or making sure the kids are dressed in their Christmas best.
If you kiddo doesn’t want to wear pants, who cares. —Let me clarify. If your kid wants to wear shorts instead, let him, but you may have to draw the line at letting him go to Aunt Sally’s in his undies 😉 😉
Just let the day happen. Be breezy.
Have Yourself An Autism Friendly Christmas
Holiday Survival Tip For Autism Parents #3
5 Things
If you feel yourself getting stressed during the day, take 5 minutes to do a short exercise I call 5 Things. You can do this while sitting in a crowded room or you can find a quiet place- whatever is available to you.
This is one of the mindfulness exercises that I alluded to earlier.
What you are going to do is use your senses to calm your mind. I like to use sound, but you can use smell, touch, or sight. I’ll explain the exercise using sound.
#1 Identify 5 sounds that are close to you. Perhaps, it’s the sound of Uncle Tom’s voice or shoes walking by. Just notice what you hear close by.
The key is to notice the sounds without judgment. (meaning you can’t say I hear Uncle Tom’s voice, man I wish he’d stop talking so much). In order for this to work, just notice without judgement.
#2 Once you identify 5 sounds close by, then try to find 5 sounds a little bit further away. Maybe it’s the cling of a fork in the kitchen, or the sound of the game on the TV.
#3 Now finish up by finding 5 sounds that are really far away. Maybe it’s the sounds of cars passing by outside or kid’s playing in the basement.
This exercise really REALLY works. I’ve done it before, and my 13 year old son has even done it several times at school too.
It’s very helpful in times of stress or just if you find yourself distracted and not in the moment.
I have 4 other mindfulness exercises like this one, so if you don’t like 5 things, find one you like here.
Holiday Survival Tip For Autism Parents #4
Let Go Of Childhood Traditions
This might be harder to say than to actually do, but those childhood traditions that you were hoping to recreate with your own kids may have to go.
If you had hopes of immaculately decorating your home for Christmas, having a breakable nativity scene sitting out, or having a pretty tree, it might be better for you to just let go.
A Tradition I Had To Give Up
One tradition I let go of was making tons of Christmas cookies. My wife and I used to spend hours cooking 6-10 different kinds of cookies. It was so much fun when the kids were little.
My son is 14 now, and cookies are too much for him to handle. Too much excitement and too long of cooking time equals lots of problems.
We still make a couple batches of cookies, but it’s a quick 5-10 minutes and then into the oven. No more entire afternoons spent together creating new Christmas cookie recipes (sad face), but it is for the best.
When they’re no longer providing happy moments and good memories, it’s time to let them go.
Have Yourself An Autism Friendly Christmas
Holiday Survival Tip For Autism Parents #5
Stay Home
There’s nothing that says you HAVE to go to your extended family’s house for the holidays. If the day seems to be going astray or you think it’s going to be too hard or not enjoyable, just stay home.
It’s okay to stay home and enjoy the day with your kids!
Going to a family member’s beautiful home that’s perfectly decorated (with lots and lots of breakables in easy reach) is 100% not something I’d be interested in. I would have to stay with him everywhere he went and do my best to make sure nothing got accidentally broken.
I’d rather be in the comfort of my autism-proof home where my son can be free to do and go where he wants, and I have more options on things to do with him.
Do What’s Best For YOUR Family
If you think your kid is going to have a really hard day, then stay home and focus on them. If you’re right and they do have a hard day, you’re going to end up with them anyway. Why not do it in a place where both of you are more comfortable.
It may be disappointing not getting to see your family or not getting to give the gifts you bought them, but you can always find another time to do that.
Another thing you could always do, is just leave the party early. If things aren’t going well, just leave and don’t worry what everyone else thinks. Do what’s best for you and your family.
This goes back to being breezy. Just let the day happen, stay in the moment, and enjoy the time with your family whatever that looks like.
Have Yourself An Autism Friendly Christmas
Holiday Survival Tip For Autism Parents #6
Ask Extended Family Members To Open Their Gifts First
There are 2 types of families: the “all at once” crowd and the “one at a time” crowd.
The all at once crowd likes to hand out their gifts and then everyone opens their gifts all at once. This can resemble a feeding frenzy, and can easily cause sensory overload. (even I experience this at my parent’s house)
Conversely, the one at a time crowd likes to take turns and open one gift at a time. It is much calmer, and it may sound better. However, taking an hour or so to open gifts is simply too long for our kids.
One way to help with creating an autism friendly Christmas is to ask aunts, uncles, cousins..etc to open gifts before you get there or after you leave.
This way no matter which type of family you have, you spare your child from the potential stress of “present time”.
Holiday Survival Tip For Autism Parents #7
Spread Out Holiday Fun
When you have multiple destinations or families to visit for the holidays, it’s a good idea to try and spread out the holiday fun if you can.
Visit Dad’s side of the family on Christmas Eve and Mom’s side on Christmas day. I
f you can’t get the hosts to cooperate, you can invite people to your house another day (like the day after Christmas) or visit them later.
Or, back to tip #5, just stay home.
Have Yourself An Autism Friendly Christmas
Holiday Survival Tip For Autism Parents #8
Share The Plan Or Use A Social Story
It’s always a good idea to share the plan with your child on the spectrum even if you think they’re not listening or won’t understand.
Oftentimes, they understand far more than we realize. Talking to them often about what to expect will help reduce the unpredictability and the anxiety that comes with it.
Social Stories work really well. Below, you will find several free examples of social stories. You can print these out or use them as a guide to create your own.
- https://adayinourshoes.com/social-stories-christmas/
- https://littlepuddins.ie/christmas-social-story/
- http://www.positivelyautism.com/free/unit_christmas.html
Creating An Autism Friendly Christmas
Holiday Survival Tip For Autism Parents #9
Have A Safe Place
When traveling to a family member’s home, ask the host if they can provide a designated space for your child. This space should be somewhere quiet that few people would go.
This way if your kiddo starts getting overwhelmed (or if you are), there’s a safe place to go away from all the sensory input to calm down and get grounded.
Holiday Survival Tip For Autism Parents #10
Bring Familiar Items
Ensuring you have a familiar item (or two or twelve) can also help your child feel more secure. It gives them something they have control over in what feels like an uncontrollable environment.
Many kids enjoy their tablet, specific toys, fidgets..etc. Allowing them to have those, will make them feel more comfortable and have a higher chance of actually enjoying their time.
I let my son take a blanket with him. Not just at special occasions, but during times of high anxiety he likes to bring one shopping, in the car, or wherever we are going. I definitely get odd looks from many people especially in the grocery store, but who cares. It helps him.
Have Yourself An Autism Friendly Christmas
Christmas On A Special Diet
If you have not tried a special diet to help your child with autism, check out this article. In the very 1st paragraph, you’ll learn why you should give it a try.
If you’re looking for specific advice on food or adapting holiday recipes to fit your special diet, this post may help you more.
You may also be interested in these Allergy Friendly Christmas Cookies!
Sticking To Your Family’s Special Diet On Christmas
Christmas On A Special Diet: Holiday Tip #11
Talk To The Host
If you are traveling to a family member’s house for Christmas, talk to the host about your family’s dietary needs.
Find out what kind of food they are planning to have. If they are having food that doesn’t comply with your family’s diet ask them if they can have the serving dishes in a place that’s not easily accessible for your child.
It’s easy to get distracted at family holidays or gatherings, so you want to minimize your kid’s opportunity to be swiping food while you’re visiting with friends and family.
Ask The Host To Make Food That Your Child Can Eat
Depending on your family and the size of your holiday gathering, this may be a long shot.
It does no harm in asking though!
You can also offer to help the host prepare all the food to make it easier on them. This might make them a little more likely to say yes.
I wrote an in-depth article on cooking Thanksgiving dinner on a special diet. Considering many people eat the same thing on Christmas, you could share this with the host to help her learn how to adapt recipes to meet your needs. (long shot but worth a shot)
Christmas On A Special Diet: Holiday Tip #12
Bring Your Own Food
If the host doesn’t want to prepare special food just for you or make sure the meal is okay for your family, then let them know you’ll bring your own food.
You could bring food just for your family or just bring a couple extra dishes you know they’ll eat and enjoy.
If people look at you funny, explain why you’re bringing food just for your family. If you can, make enough to share with the extended family too.
This way you can show them how good your food tastes and how you’re not depriving your kid with this special diet.
Bring Similar Food
If it were me bringing my own food, I would see what the host is making and then try to prepare something similar. That way the kids don’t feel like they’re weird or feel left out.
For example, if the host is making dinner rolls, I’d bring a gluten free, keto bread for us. (find that recipe here)
I’d definitely be sure to bring along my kids’ favorite snacks and Christmas cookies too. Don’t want them too tempted by the dessert table.
Have Yourself An Autism Friendly Christmas
Christmas On A Special Diet: Holiday Tip #13
Eat First
A simple way to reduce the chances of going off diet is to eat before you go to the party.
This way kids won’t be as hungry, and they’ll be less likely to be looking around, swiping treats while you’re visiting with family.
Again, I’d still bring a couple treats like cookies or a pie that your kids can eat and enjoy.
Christmas On A Special Diet: Holiday Tip #14
Leave Early or Arrive Late
Depending on when the host does dinner and gifts, you can always leave before the meal is served or arrive late after everyone has eaten.
My side of the family has no interest in healthy eating, so there’s no way to get them to make only GFCF & Keto food.
My son is a bit food obsessed, and he wouldn’t understand why he couldn’t have certain food that other people are eating.
We just choose to come after dinner and bring our 0wn Christmas cookies with us. Although, my Mom does usually make compliant cookies just for us. (which is nice)
My son doesn’t care what cookies everyone else is eating so long as he gets some too.
Christmas On A Special Diet
Holiday Survival Tip For Autism Parents #15
Be The Host
It sounds crazy, but sometimes the easiest thing to do is be the one who hosts Christmas for your extended family.
It may be more work, but you may find it to be less stressful.
By hosting, you can ensure that all food is safe, and gifts are exchanged in a manner that won’t overwhelm your child with autism.
Plus, your child would be in a familiar, comfortable setting, and they know where to go when they’re feeling overwhelmed.
Have Yourself An Autism Friendly Christmas
Most Importantly: Enjoy Your Family
The most important thing you can do this holiday is to enjoy the time with your child, and follow their lead as much as you can.
To me, Christmas is all about spending quality time with your family and creating new memories. Things likely won’t all go smoothly, but that’s okay.
Don’t worry about all the little things, and if you find yourself getting overwhelmed, shift your focus to your family.
Throughout the day, take a moment or two to be fully present with each of your kids. Appreciate them for all they are and all they’ve given to you.
Wishing You The VERY BEST Holiday
If you found this article helpful, please share it with friends and family.
Feel free to leave a comment below too. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Gluten-Free Dairy-Free Christmas Cookies And Treats
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